Feeding the monster

Kayleen can be such a darling.  Her smiles can melt the ice-cold hearts.  However, as she aged and took on more in her life, she seemed to have lost some of this adorableness.  Maturity changes a person.  Sometimes for the good.  Sometimes for the worse.

I think I will not write about how her mother and I think about her from the time she was young.  There had been too much...  some heart-warming...  some bring smiles to your face...  others just plain frustrating...

Being in Primary Five this year, she has yet to take her school work more seriously.  And that is worrying.  Her tardiness and lack of self-discipline are areas where she can improve on greatly.  She has so much stuff - so many soft toys, so many pairs of shoes, so many sets of clothes...  if I were a friend of hers, I would be full of envy!  But then again, is that the same for all children these days that makes her think that she has little??

So with the great amount of things, she should keep them properly.  We somehow associate girls with being neat and tidy.  Well, not this one.  She stuffs everything - everywhere!  Nothing is a problem for her, until her parents catch sight of the stuff and nags at her for them.

But she argues that she has no where to put her things!  (It may be our fault for indulging her with too much and not giving her room to place her souvenirs!)  Reminds me of a children's book I read - "Ïf you give a mouse a cookie".

She has been sitting around when she is home, regardless if she has work from school undone.  Most times, she will be on her mobile phone - doodling or reading comics.  She requires constant reminders from yours truly to get her homework, her stretching for ballet, her piano practice, and all things, done.  It can get frustrating as I cannot be home to watch her all the time.

I have been speaking to her to ask her things.  Generally, she has been quiet and refused to divulge in her thoughts.  A couple of days ago, I asked her what she needs from us - her parents - in order for her to take her work more seriously.  She could not give me an answer but I demanded for one.  Told her to think about it and get back to me...

Questions I have no answer for

Scalded my fingers a bit. Forgot the garlic to cook. Realised that I forgot to cook the rice when I was supposed to fry the rice. After cooking the dishes, forgot to put the meat with the rice to fry.

I was so affected by the happenings of today. Made me think a lot. What am I to others? What kind of a person am I? What virtues / characteristics do I stand for?

When my friends tell me that they do not refer my services to their friends, is it really true that they do not wish to recommend ANY financial consultant to their friends? If I was a responsible person whom others have no qualms over in terms of personality / ability, why am I kept a 'secret' who they do not even visit themselves when they know they probably need to look at their summaries?

When friends find out that I am in this line when we meet and know that I am with Prudential, what do they mean when they say, "Ï'll keep that in mind"?

Am I - like what I keep telling my boss and friends - too late in this industry / job? I am not even trying to make lots in this! I am just trying to help people around me understand what they have and be better protected! In doing so, hopefully I can earn my share for the work I put in. Am I wrong in doing so?

This business I am in is so different from the days when I was young. Back then, you probably could still get a few people to talk to you, in view of discussing more with you on the topic, when you stand on the streets and do surveys. You can hardly get anyone to stop in their tracks these days.

I went door-knocking for a period of quite a few months. What was the problem? Is it due to my gender? Looks? The time I went to knock on doors? The area? It only resulted in ONE hospitalisation plan signed, after months of toiling and door-knocking.

The business has become such these days that referrals are so so important. Why do I hardly get any referral? Do I do less than enough? Is my work not good enough?

To date, less than a handful of friends have referred someone who needed some sort of insurance help to me. Another recently took up my advice and told me that I was the only person he could think of when he thought of the topic. You know who you are - I thank you with all my heart.

No longer a complete person! - part 2

(Warning - a gory photograph is embedded in this post.  Not for the faint-hearted!)

 On Thursday morning, the tooth still felt fine.  But as the day progress.  The discomfort returned and pain soon intensified.  I was left with little choice but to call the dentistry where I frequent, and where my ex-secondary school classmate - Angela - works.  I knew that I probably could not get an appointment immediately, and any delay in my calling would only mean a further delay to get my problem eradicated.

After describing to the assistant / receptionist, I was told that there were no empty slots that day, nor were there any the next few days.  She told me to leave my name and number so that she could call me if any patient decided to pull out of an arranged appointment.  I kept my fingers crossed.  How much longer did I had to bear with the pain?

My prayers were answered at about 11,30am the next day.  A dental assistant called to inform me that a slot opened up for 12.30pm, and asked if I could take up the slot.  Of course!  I had just finished an online seminar by the company and had planned to take Felix for a haircut and lunch in Clementi,  So I decided to bring the boy along, let him have lunch as I went to the dentist.

I was quite sure that I would not be able to eat after my dental visit, nor did I want the dentist to be greeted to smell of my lunch and guess what I had taken.  I was not sure if I could eat for dinner too.  So I decided to take a last drink as Felix ate.

I had a Zoom-meeting with a client at 3pm.  I was not sure when the visit to the dentist would end, so I decided instead fr Felix to have his haircut while I was visiting the dentist.  That would save us a little travel-time.  I was reluctant actually, for the last time I had brought the boy for a haircut there, it cost us fifteen dollars.  I thought it was a tad high when I could possible get one for him for as little as five dollars.

I waited a short while before seeing the dentist, Dr Chua.  The gentlemen listened intently to my narration and decided that he wanted an x-ray before he could diagnose the problem.  The x-ray showed that the wisdom tooth that side (which was growing towards the top of my teeth from the top-left side of my mouth) had grown out a little further and was in contact with the tooth that was giving me pain.  And he sat me down to give me four options.

The first was to do nothing (that was not a choice since I had decided to address the pain and ready for an extraction).  The second was to give me medication and hope to control the pain (that might or might not work).  I cannot remember what the third option was (it was not something that I would go for).  The fourth was to extract the molar that caused the pain - a simple option that would resolve the pain.  The last option was to have surgery to remove both the molar and the wisdom tooth.  It would involve cutting the gum to remove the wisdom tooth, and sewing the gum back later.

I asked if I could still speak at 3pm as I had an online meeting.  Dr Chua replied that I could most probably have bleeding stopped by then if I took option four, which I was inclined to too.  And I was set.  Anaesthestic was injected into my gum (ouch!) and in what was a less-than-five-minute simple procedure, the offending tooth was extracted.

The infection / decay shook me.  All my years of lack of proper oral hygiene had been hidden from sight, but had been waiting time-bombs.  The first has exploded.

The monetary damage was not great.  But it remains to be seen what physiological damage it would cost.

For all my friends who are reading this - please start / maintain good dental health!  Hope it is not too late for you!

For me, I am not sure what is next to wear-out / give-way.  Sigh...

No longer a complete person! - part 1

Forty.  To some, life begins at that age (however that shapes their lives).  Others find their lives settled - with their career path set out and being happily married (with or without children - their choice, really).  For me, it is the start in deterioration of my body.

Getting involved in the road-traffic accident for me at the age of twenty-one was both unlucky and lucky.  Unlucky for the obvious reasons - to have almost died and lost the ability to run and enjoy sports, to lose a possibly rewarding career in the army.  Who knows what I might have achieved if I had stayed healthy and fit?  I continue to have a dull pain in my lower back when I exert myself in that area.

However, I say I am lucky because I met the mishap at such an early stage - where my body has had time to slowly recover.  No, I will not be (and never be) back to a hundred per cent.  But it has allowed me time and space to think of and understand the situation I had been in, to understand myself and what I had faced.  And as life would have it, it led me to meeting my wife - something that could never have happened if I had stay fit and healthy.

These couple of years have made me realise that my body is slowly, but surely, deteriorating.  A few years back, I found my vision not being the same as before - I could not read things that were held close to my face well.  Presbyopia had set in a little before I had turned forty.

And just the past couple of days, it felt like there was a piece of something wedged between the tooth and the gum.  It was far back on the top left-hand side of my teeth.  Using my thumb and index finger, I tried a few times to pull the foreign object out.  I finally succeeded after numerous tries.  Peace, at last.

Or so I thought.

After a while, I experienced a dull pain and discomfort in the same place!  To be exact, it came from the last few teeth on the upper side of the teeth at the back - my molars.  Did the foreign object cause much damage already?!

I reached a finger in and touched the teeth - the one that was causing the pain shook a little from the nudging.  Not good.  This was exactly the kind of shaking I felt when a tooth was loose and about to fall out.

Oh no!  Did I have to have it extracted?

I bore with the discomfort that day, hoping for it to go away.  And like a miracle, it did!  The pain left me like it had been a dream.  Although the part where the tooth stood was still shaking, that portion was felt numb.

The day went on and all was fine.  Little did I know that it was the calm before the storm.

(To be continued...)

The boy is changing

Felix is experiencing changes.  Sure, one of the first being the change in his place of study.  After going through a less than satisfactory six years and receiving his results of his school-leaving examinations, he knows he could / should have done better.  But he was too proud to admit that to us.  He could only claim tearfully that he tried his best when he was berated harshly by yours truly.

Since then, we have kept to our promise of getting him a mobile phone.  Our reason of holding back for him was right, I believe, looking at the way he uses his mobile phone on games for the past eight months.  It was, indeed, a bitter pill for him to swallow when his younger sister was entrusted with a mobile phone before he.

But my explanation was simple - Rachel had the first phone as we needed at least one of them to be contactable should I need to notify them of my change in plans due to the fluid nature of my work, and when Rachel graduated from primary school and he was the next in line (by age and order of birth), it was his primary six year and Felix just made me feel that he would not pay enough attention to his school work once he got his phone.  No, not in such an important year for him.

We have also kept our promise not to be hot on his heels when it came to studies and his work in school.  Not only were we unsure of the syllabus and how to help, we also needed extra time to focus our energies on other things.  I would not say that this has turned out to be the best for him - based on the numerous late-submission of work comments on his report book the first six months (and it has been continuing).

I examine ourselves and feel apologetic.  I have not been the most supportive and the person whom they feel most approachable with.  I try, but relations are hard to mend, I need not tell you.  He keeps to himself whenever I ask him for reasons why some things turn out they way they are.  He keeps mum when I ask him about his opinions and feelings.

I have tried to interest him in certain things I do.  Some have been successful - watching football in general and Newcastle United games or highlights, sports clips (NBA, wrestling, etc.), singing / talent shows and some documentaries (CNA documentaries about life around us are good, I found).  Others have been disastrous attempts - asking him to join me for jogs, reading e-books, etc.

My wife has pointed out that his voice is changing.  His voice was higher-pitched when he was younger, but it is deeper now.  And of course, most evidently, he is having pimple-trouble.  So the usual advice of washing his face, keeping his hair off his forehead (he does it to hide / cover his pimples), using the Oxy-cream that I have bought him (against the advice of my wife)...

Sometimes, I feel so irate with him after I had given him a piece of my mind but he still did not buck-up.  I have enlisted the help of a few other closer adults in his life to speak to him - his godfather, his uncle Wilson, his form teacher...  I will have to admit that relations between us are, at times, strained.

Felix is generally still cold to us.  The only times when he come to us warmly are when his phone has been confiscated and he has nothing to do, and when he has requests for us.  He is not one t apologise for the mistake he had made.  I can only hope for things to change for the better as time progresses.  Helpless at times.

The General Elections - over again!

I did my best to refrain from writing a post about the General Elections - there are enough experts (wanna-bes) among my friends that another post would be crying foul.  I am careful not to broach subjects that invite disagreement, argument or debate.  They are too 'exciting' for me.  It would invite too diverse a view and supporters of various parties may turn discussions into a  name-calling feast.  Views, like they say - are arseholes; everyone has one.

But I dislike how people like to taunt others by saying that "the 60 (or how-ever-many) per cent " - are you happy that the GST is rising now?" or "you voted them into power - now bear the consequences".  I mean - it is not like MY vote was the deciding one, right?

Interestingly, I have three friends (okay, more like acquaintances) who ran in the elections this time round.  I know PAP's Desmond Tan from my time in the armed forces when he was the commanding officer of a unit of my headquarters.

Ms Chan Hui Yuh is the wife of my high-flying ex-colleague, Vincent.  I met her a couple of times outside of SAF.  I have also seen Mr Loganathan, formerly from the same vocation in the armed forces as well.  I do not know too much about him.  I cannot remember if I have ever spoken to him too.

The elections set me thinking: all the candidates - whichever party they represent - are vying for seats to Parliament to raise issues for Singapore and Singaporeans, aren't they?  If so, why are they slinging mud and smearing the good names of some with dirt?  Do we - Singaporeans - not win, whatever the result and whoever is elected, as the 'best' people have been picked to steer our country in the right (if it was ever wrong) direction?

Why are the parties fighting to win more seats in the Parliament for themselves?  Whoever wins: will these people not cast all inhibitions aside and form a cohesive team for us for the next few years before the next battle?

The "supporters" who adore the candidates of their parties - should they not be respectful of everyone and applaud all who stand for the elections as the winners are our leaders for next few years?  Is there a need to show their 'undying love' for their party's candidates by discrediting others and destroying / hiding other parties'banners / posters / flags?

I have many unanswered questions, but did my best as I tried to explain what had been happening to our trio.  My parents had never spoken to me about the subject and I knew very little until I turned adult myself and started hearing and reading about these.  I was a judge for myself to the things that are happening around us.

I did my best to explain what the elections are about, without fear or favour, to our trio.  I will leave them to judge the rights and wrongs in the political scene as they grow up to become (hopefully - useful) responsible citizens themselves.

The new norm - Post COVID-19

*Afternote: Title of the post should read "Post Phase 1" - COVID-19 is still very much within us currently

It is the month of July.  Singapore is gearing up for General Elections 2020 - whether it is the right call for the event to be held now remains debated.  People seem to have been more settled into the new work-patterns created by the pandemic as a result.

So comfortable with things that I am sometimes worried that we are letting our guard down - just this morning as I was driving from the carpark to the foot of our housing board block, I drove past two middle-aged residents who did not have their masks on.  One was going to work and seemed to have forgotten (rummaged her handbag after I pointed out her lack of mask) and the other man mumbled something about having walked his daughter to school.  I asked if he wanted a mask and he shook his head.

At home, things have also changed.  Since my mother had got into the unfortunate minor car-accident, I have taken over the cooking duty at home for weekday dinners (sometimes lunches too) and the laundry duties (so that my poor wife does not have to worry about it after her long day at work.  I feel a little bit like a 'housewife'.  No, I am sure housewives do much more and a much better job than I do!

So my day (for the past months) pans out like this.  We wake early - a little after five - to get the children ready.  Gasp.  But the girls' schools require them to have their long hair braided (and their refusal to do it themselves) means that my wife has to do the braiding while they sit with their eyes shut, and hopefully not nodding away.

At the same time, I get water changed from their bottles and prepare their breakfast.  Then I wake Felix and he gets changed too.  We had let him go back to sleep previously but he has not been able to prove that he can get himself up and go to school on time, by himself.  Despite it being a mere ten-minute walk from home, he has managed to get himself booked for being late thrice within the first half a year already!  So we need remedial actions - and he gets dropped off in school first before we make our way to the girls' schools.

I proceed to send the girls and drop my wife off at work.  Sometimes, we have the luxury to sit and have breakfast, or at least a drink in-between.  I then drive home to start on my chores.

I start by getting ingredients I need for dinner out of the freezer to defrost them.  Marinating the meat will take place in the afternoon.

I get rice cooked and get laundry done.  Then, I get the clothes folded.

Hey, I am not complaining.  Someone needs to get all these done.  And I have learnt new skills and become more proficient at others (like my fried rice).  I have learnt how to fold a fitted sheet (not the best job I can do, but they fit the small spaces we have for them), with the help of Youtube videos!

All these done before I start my work for the day!