Uniquely Singapore - More than a campaign

So, we've got a new look and a new selling point for those unsuspecting tourists - Singaporeans are Unique. Apparently.

STPB's latest campaign - Uniquely Singapore - couldn't be closer to the truth. I've found many things to be uniquely Singaporean, things that could be used to run a parallel campaign educating foreigners on Singaporean behaviour.

Here's one: Using packets of tissue paper to reserve tables in a food court. If you're from any other part of the world you'll find this as alien as anything from Jupiter, so best that I explain. Singaporeans seem to find it absolutely acceptable to lay out however many packets of pocket tissues they have between them, on their chosen table in a food court or hawker centre, which would essentially convey to other people that the table is now 'reserved'. Where and when and how this came about is still a mystery, but then, most of the behaviour of Singaporeans is mind boggling anyway, so better not to question. Tourists be warned, if you see an empty table with a couple of packets of unused tissues on it, it is not, repeat NOT a welcoming freebie but a warning to stay away.

Here's another uniquely Singapore feature: Being presented with the bill in a restaurant or bar, when you didn't ask for it because they "have to close the cash register". This is due to, apparently, some obscure nebulous government law that nobody seems to know much about. So, in most international cities where people are only starting to tuck in to a late-ish dinner in a restaurant, here, we're already being forced to pay the bill for a meal that we're not quite done with. Are we anywhere near being an international/global city? Don't think so.

Number three: Singaporeans have the most unique walk in the world. And it's pretty bad. The best way to describe it: a type of knee-lock foot-slapping action that sometimes incorporates very distressed looking buttock cheeks. The walk looks like it could generate a few different injuries - a hip displacement, knee problems, a loosening of joints, all seem like probable ailments in times to come. Still, this method obviously gets Singaporeans from A to B, so who cares if a few hips suffer in the course of travelling?

Truth number four: Running out of stuff. Almost 4 out of 5 times I will encounter, in a cafe or restaurant, the inevitable running-out-of-something. Whether it's the dish I want to order or a part of it. I have had muesli run out on me during brunch on a Saturday morning in a cafe. To quote a good friend, who's frustrations mirror mine, "did breakfast on a Saturday morning catch them out?". Other running-outs include Camomile tea in a posh restaurant after lunch. English Breakfast tea during breakfast, fish in a fish cafe, steak in a steakhouse. The list is long, and the problem constant. Why? Other cafes and restaurants in other parts of the world don't seem to be afflicted with short supplies, so why Singapore? The worst part is, this seems quite acceptable by the general gormless Singaporean public. Waiters deliver the bad news with an air of nonchalance and often look at you matter-of-factly as their problem becomes your problem. No suggestions or alternatives are forthcoming either. It is simply life in a Singaporean cafe.

Five: The Hazard Light Syndrome. See my second posting, also part 1 of the Inconsideration series. Very much Uniquely Singapore.

Uniquely Singapore #6: Cab drivers who put their foot on and off the accelerator when they drive down the highway. I assure you, that doesn't happen any where else that I've been to so far. Not the US, Australia, many parts of Europe, Hong Kong, Thailaind, parts of China, Vietnam, Cambodia even. No one drives like that. Except cabbies in Singapore. Mustn't forget the speedometer that dings, and the stinking air freshener adhered to the vent. For any first timers to Singapore, the cab ride from Changi into town must surely be one hell of an experience.

It may be unfair to list things that aren't uniquely Singapore, things that I've witnessed in other places. But since I'm at it I might as well keep going. These are some of the things that happen more frequently here than elsewhere, but aren't unique to Singapore.

- Singaporean men have a propensity to dig their nose in public, for instance. This has been witnessed regularly by myself when stuck in traffic looking over at the car next to me.

- Bad english. Singaporeans defend their inability to speak and write correct english by unashamedly owning all the mistakes and then naming this bad habit Singlish.

- Bad mandarin. Ditto the above except I don't know what they call Singapore-mandarin. But it is equally appalling and most times, incomprehensible to native speakers of mandarin.

Well I'm sure a couple more will pop into mind after this has been posted, but I think it's best to get this up and running. Any other uniquely Singaporean traits you might think of are most welcome.

Inconsideration - Singapore Style (installment 2)

In the Straits Times Forum the last few days, there have been a couple of letters about the campaign to Stand on the Left on escalators - www.straitstimes.com.sg

Another shining example of Singaporeans and their lack of not only consideration for others, but also their lack of common sense. One person wrote:

"Subtly, we have to get people who do not follow the norm to understand the meaning of giving way to others. All escalators should have a line drawn in the middle. On the left on every step there should be pictures or icons of people standing, while on the right should be pictures or icons of people overtaking others. I hope escalator manufacturers can start the ball rolling by having the pictures or icons ready and suggesting to building owners they have them painted on the escalator steps." (STForum, Jan 2, 2007)

"Subtly, we have to get people who do not follow the norm to understand the meaning of giving way to others." Subtly? It's pretty clear that massive signs on the side of escalators didn't work for the average gormless Singaporean, so how is subtlety going to be any more effective?

And which part of 'Please Stand On The Left' is difficult to understand? Do we admit that we're all so stupid in this country that in addition to signs, escalator makers have to draw lines and print detailed instructions to simply stand still?

My question is, why do Singaporeans find it so hard to consider other people? Several of those who wrote in to the forum used the London underground as an example of how disciplined people are with standing on the left of escalators. It's as much common sense as it is consideration for others. Common sense tells me that if I stand in the middle of the escalator, inevitably I'll be in the way of someone in a hurry, because I've been in a hurry before. Therefore, common sense also tells me to stand to one side to make way for anyone who wishes to overtake.

WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT FOR A SINGAPOREAN TO PROCESS?

Inconsideration - Singapore Style (installment 1)

Inconsiderate (vb) - thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others. Most notably seen or experienced in Singapore everyday life.

In Singapore, this means putting on the hazard lights in your car when you need to stop in the middle of a busy road to drop off or pick up your mother, perhaps a packet of chicken rice, maybe go the ATM, or grab a take-away kopi. You are unaffected by the resulting traffic jam and the chaos it has caused. The fact that you've turned on your hazard lights means you can do whatever you want with your car. Those behind you have been warned and there isn't much more you can do. Forget about turning into the side street a mere 10 metres away, which would cause much less inconvenience to others, because it would mean whoever you're picking up/dropping off would have to walk an extra 4 yards and possibly break into a sweat.

How about actually leaving your car unattended, on the side of a very busy road, with the hazard lights on? Better yet, stop just 50 yards in front of some traffic lights and 30 yards before a bus stop, to cause maximum stress to all the cars accelerating from the lights.

I witnessed this once before, and it left me speechless. I was ready to give the invisible owner the benefit of the doubt and thought that the car had broken down. Until I saw the driver emerge from a nearby shop and happily jump into his car, turn off the hazard lights and went on his way. His car caused many minutes of chaos as both buses and cars caught in the inside lane had to grind to a halt, and all because he couldn't give a damn.

My suggested punishment for those drivers who misuse the hazard lights as some kind of personal parking license, is to forget the monetary fine, and stick them in jail for 24 hours. Anyone can pay a fine and move on and do it all over again tomorrow. Throwing these idiots in jail would mean they lose face, which money can't buy. How would they explain to their family and friends about their night in jail? It would be a fate worse than losing money, and I have a feeling it'll stop repeat offenders.

Annoyances aired

Since I'm always so angry at how most Singaporeans conduct themselves - mainly socially - I decided it was about time I got some of it off my chest. I realise my rantings may offend many out there, if this blog ever gets read by others apart from myself, but I wont' apologise for it. There needs to be honesty and what I hope is constructive criticisim. And if a Singaporean can't criticise his or her own countrymen and government, then who can?

Let the blog begin.