I'm supposed to be busy preparing for tomorrow's important lesson but after finishing watching My lovely Samsoon, I have to pen my thoughts down or I will lose the feeling.
It is the 2nd time I am watching this particular episode of MLS. In this particular episode, the male proteganist, Sanshi, decides to break up with his long time gf Heejin even though she has done quite alot for him. Though it might seems like Sanshi is the bastard here, he did it because of his love for the female protaganist, Kim Sam Soon.
When i first saw this scene, if left a deep impact on me. It made me realised that ppl do break other ppl's heart and after doing so, the one who was hurt will learn to move on with his or her life. Of course, this is no excuse for anyone to go date someone only to break up when he or she just feel like it. This scene was partly the reason why I had the courage to move on and break Cc's heart.
Now, almost a few months later, I am rewatching this scene again. Although the same scene, my feeling for Sanshi shifted from symphathy to emphathy. Every word he spoke to Heejin was almost exactly how i would answer her. She asked him if he loved her and he answered "I think about her every day." and "When i'm with her, I am very happy." And then she go on to tell him that the start of every love is a novelty feeling that will wear off eventually but he answered "Everyone knows that they will die eventually but everyone still live their life." Exactly how I felt. In fact, I can feel the guilt that Sanshi, if he was real, was feeling when he broke the news to Heejin that he wants to break up.
I see myself in Sanshi, i pictured Cc sitting there and crying to what I say and answered her. I can feel the guilt that i felt when i told her I don't think we will go out again. In fact, there is this sudden urge in my to meet her and hug her to tell her i'm sorry for all i have done to her. But when i realised, that is as much as i would do for her, I knew tat it is not going to happen. Cc doesn't need me to console her after what i have done for her, nor do I wish to go back to her. Comforting her to try and ease my own guilt is not going to help anyone. I have to live with this guilt that I have broken the heart of a girl who loved me.
Before i left Cc, I already can't help thinking about Sq everyday. And now that i am with Sq, any day that i dont see her, i still can't help thinking about her and on top of that miss her alot. Never a day do i dread meeting her and never was a meeting between me and her something i regretted having, though there are some meetings where she showed her xiaoqiness.
I miss her