the next level

L came back to town after a couple of weeks of traveling and last night, we managed to catch up on pent up lust and adulterated conversations. things were going fine, except that i showed up late at his place and he was being naughty about it. a few drinks and smokes later, we were going at it like rabbits but somehow, in the middle of sex, the topic came up again.

L: you're not bored of fucking me, are you?
me: *rolls my eyes* (but not for him to see) i wouldn't be here if i was and why are we having this conversation while your cock is in me?
L: - keeps mum-

okay, i really don't like it. i really don't like how he keeps bringing that up. and why does he have to do that? paranoia and insecurity are two words that i do not identify L with so i don't understand why he keeps bringing it up. no basis.

L: slept with anyone else recently?
me: *starts doing a mental list while counting with my fingers* a few.
L: good ones?
me: some were okay, some could do with some lessons from you.
L: good.

GOOD. that's his word. good. for everything. sigh. you do sense some frustration in this post, yes? we fell asleep before we had a second round in the sack and i was duly disappointed. what a waste. this morning, i just had to grab his cock and make it work.
and yes, after a good night rest, L was definitely in his element again.
but still, there's that nagging feeling in my head. i hate it.

L, the giver

lemme introduce L. been fucking each other for half a year. and feelings not explicitly expressed but the boat is at a steady sail. neither has said anything about liking each other, or wanting something more than a fucking relationship, and neither is bothered with it either.
in any other words, L's a fuck buddy.
although sometimes i do feel that we have feelings for each other but even so, it hasn't come on so strong that we had to do anything about it. that I had to do anything bout it anyway.
L is older. at least by 10 years or more. mature, steady, knows exactly what he wants in life and never falters for anything else when his heart is set on something. he's not married and has had his fair share of women although i never really got around quizzing him why they never lasted. probably because of his job, heck, that's what i like about him. need not be there everyday. tee hee.
anyways, L's a pleaser in bed. he gives and gives and gives and never takes. and even when i insist on giving, he's often very polite about it. too polite about it. which always makes me feel like i'm on the better bargain of this fucking relationship. he gives me good sex, treats me like a woman, share decent interesting conversations with me and takes me for good dinners. mm.
no wonder i haven't gotten bored of him yet.
while most men have gotten the worse of my 4 day attention span, L's had it for the past half year. if you want to include the time we started flirting with each other, L's had it for the past 2 years.
the topic of attention sorta came up the last time we met for a fuck. he was going at it and i was not in my element. and well, i wasn't in my element the last time either. so that makes it 2 bad shags in the sack. for the record, i thought he performed brilliantly though, except that because he's been fucking me for so long, he knew i wasn't in it that night.

L: are you getting bored of me?
me: no way. i'm just now in the mood today.
L: okays.

we stopped and ended up having smokes and chatting. which felt great. the truth was, i was still reeling from the good sex with E, remember? Size, Skill and Stamina boy?
well L is a giver, he's got the skill and the stamina, just not the size. not to say it's small, it's just no match for E's.
i just have to collect my thoughts before i fuck L again.
the next day, i was in an sms-chat with L which went something like this,

L: miss you dear. glad i saw you last night.
me: miss you loads too darling.
L: don't get bored with me yet ok? still not done fucking you.
me: i didn't say i was bored. i was just not in the mood.
L: ok, lemme know next time, we'll just go for drinks.

what a sweet guy. seriously. and he got me a fantabulous birthday gift this year. how could i ever get bored?
it's like a relationship without all the bullshit attachment. and the right to still go out and fuck other men.
mmm. now doesn't that sound great?

last week

last week, i slept with a guy whom i didnt intend to do. not yet at least. charming nice man. from abroad. young chap. very confident, very well-dressed, very cultured, my type of guy precisely. the first date of movie and coffee and drinks and everything else went great, i was impressed - mind you, it's been a while since somebody captured my attention for more than say 4 days. friends at work are a bitch, they took bets on this one too. sometimes, i wonder if they are the ones jinxing just so they can win the bet.
Bets taken for this guy whom we shall call E.
a) 10 days
b) 3 days (the faith they have in me.. tsk tsk)
c) 5 days

mm. i was ready to fall in love again, i thought. or maybe not. but he was really very impressive and maybe, just maybe. because of this 'from abroad' charm that swooned me. the accent, the mannerism and the disposition of this man. so i thought to myself, sit this one out for a long time till he begs for you to fuck him.
ok. so i thought.
and i was wrong. how could i have resisted?
after drinks, we went back to his place. he bought me some gifts from back home and he wanted to 'surprise' me. it was really sweet. except that the surprise ended up in our first kiss.
and the first kiss ended up with his fingers in between my legs.
and those fingers ended up unclasping my bra.
the bra fell and our clothes came off.
he was an awesome kisser. but the biggest pleasant surprise for the night, has got to be what's in his pants. he dropped his pants, i grabbed it and i did a little victory dance in my head. yes! finally! a big one.
there's the never ending debate of size vs skill. but of course it's ok to tell ppl that size doesn't matter - to butter up to those losers out there with a small cock but seriously ladies, it's time we tell the truth.
size does matter BUT you gotta learn how to use it TOO.
and in the case of E, he's got all the 3 S-es. Size, Skill and Stamina.
boy, was i a happy woman that night. all over the bed, all over the floor, all over the room and up the wall. and when he took me from behind, Stamina and Size together, i just screamed like never before. it was one good shag, one good shag, seriously.
the only weird thing i couldn't grasp was there here is this grown man, first time in my life have i met a man, who actually takes the effort to shave all his hair off. i'm not talking just pubic. but everything, arms, legs, back, chest. mmm.
i like my man to have a little fuzz here and there and here he is, everything off? that's a first. honestly, i don't really know how to react to that. so i just kept quiet.
well, maybe just one question.

me: have you ever had a full body wax?
E: yes. i just don't like body hair.
me: ok. cool. -_-

after sex, i had a battle in my head. you stupid idiot, what happened to waiting it out till he begs u to fuck him? and oh god, the sex was so good, anything is excusable.

so, the straight to the point of a woman i am..

me: honestly, i didn't want to sleep with you.
E: what? like never? never ever sleep with me?
me: no, well, just not tonight, not yet.
E: actually me neither.
me: like never ever? *looking puzzled*
E: haha. no no. not yet.

and we left the conversation as such. i knew that the story hadn't ended and there was definitely more to come. a lot of ppl are going to lose this bet.

And the beginning begins..

it's been a long time coming since i wanted to start this blog. it's a desire thing. it's a kinky thing. it's a fast pull. it's a thing, just a thing for me to be uninhibited in sharing this part of my life.
sex has always been fascinating to me. i remember when i was 14 and i discovered the wonders of masturbating by accident. the wonders of the showerhead and how i never looked back since. i have to admit, i started late, comparatively. i gave my first blow job when i was 17, before i even had sexual intercourse. and because of peer pressure, i told the whole world i had sex that night. well, i REALLY did a few weeks later but i just couldn't hold it anymore. all my girlfriends have had sex and they started raving to me about it and i wanted to know what the hype was.
the first time was horrible.
but now,
now. it's a different story all together.
it's been a few years since i was 17. but the little black book has crossed through borders, race, size, and plenty of pages.
and the beginning begins. for you.