望。开。

最近是... 改变了吗？

曾经在意的人事物，曾经令我纠结的讯息与画面，已不再有同样的效果。

现在的我，只想活在当下。现在的我，不想浪费时间在不重要的人。现在的我，想为自己做点勇敢快乐的事。

即使别人不同意，或者别人有不同的价值观，我也管不着了。

Disinhibited Self

When we're intoxicated, we tend to do some things we'll otherwise stay far, far away from.

Does it mean those things are what we really crave to do, but are just afraid to do so because of their consequences?

Our brain protects us from engaging in these "silly" actions, and tells us what a responsible adult ought to do.

But there are times I just want to screw it and live in the moment. While being sober.

That's quite a scary thought.

And I'm typing this under the influence of a glass of red wine. Hah.

Random Fate

I find it hard to believe in fate.

In a way, it's easier to believe things happen randomly and follow some kind of logical cause-and-effect rule, instead of some god-damn spiritual, destined, meant-to-be miracle. It goes against my romantic notions, I know, but it's just more comforting to think this way.

Because otherwise, it's painful to think why "fate" likes to make a combination of things happen and force people to cross paths, when it seems wiser to take another direction.

But what do I know, right?

Mad World

It's a mad world!

Hold on and let go

Hold on to what is good.

Let go of the bad.

Those are the easy parts.

But what about the difficult lessons in life?

Sometimes you gotta let go of what is good. Even if it's searingly painful and feels like every inch of your heart and mind will die. Even if the memories are all you have left.

And sometimes you have to hold on to the bad and nasty stuff. Maybe for a while, or maybe a lifetime. No one knows.

Hopefully the good outweighs the bad. Or hopefully the joy is worth the disproportionate amount of pain.

And when I'm lost, I try to remember the easy parts again. 

Hold on to what is good.

Let go of the bad.

Artist Den

Just listen. Enough said.

This man sings to the core of my heart and wrenches it, slowly, deliberately, delicately, and takes me away to a place I didn't know exist.

Bask in this moment. Just for a moment. Let your world stop for a while and enjoy. Let the thoughts rush in, let the emotions surge up, let yourself stay in this space with me.

Why hide underneath the guise of busyness? Live, for real.

Toxic

Are you aware of what is toxic in your life?

Be it people, or things, or activities.

How much of this toxicity is considered normal, or healthy even?

It's a tough question, and the answers create lots of undesirable dissonance...

又能怎样？活得潇洒比较重要吧。

It's a choice

Lately, I feel the urge to write. And it really doesn't matter who ends up reading my posts, because this blog has always served as my brain's dumping ground.

Of course, that leads to the question of why the posts are published to the web.

Maybe it makes me feel a little less lonely, knowing random people may feel the warmth of my words.

Maybe it helps me self-censor because I'm reluctant to be completely honest (whether that is helpful or not is another issue).

Maybe it's a habit and I'm lazy to change.

Maybe I do hope some posts get read by some people.

But the reasons don't matter either.

There's limited, finite time and I'll choose to do whatever makes the most sense and feels right at any given moment. Even if that makes me contradictory and weird. Even if people laugh at my romantic and idealistic notions, yet scoff at my sarcastic and cynical opinions.

Even if that makes me feel more lonely than ever.

Because if I don't live in a way that's meaningful to me, to the best of my ability, what's the point of being alive?

Still the same

Things get lost. Relationships get broken. Mistakes are made. Tears are shed.

But I believe good things do happen concurrently with bad ones. And the good things tend to stay the same, even with the passing of time. Thinking this way helps, because if not, how else do I move on?

It's way easier to spread my positive energy to others than to apply it to myself.

Guess I gotta try harder.

Chaotic fusion

At one of my favorite spots in this city.

Staring at a question mark, literally.

I like the chaotic fusion here. The pumping music, the bursts of excitement, the scent of beer, the constant crowds... juxtapose with the peaceful river, the contemplative people, the shimmery reflections, the mysterious night sky.

The question mark switched off.

Yet my mind is filled with question marks and chaos, still.

And tonight, there's an extra blanket of sadness looming over this city.

It's a safe spot to be in. One that makes me feel invisible.